“Now Esav saw that Yitz’chak had blessed Ya’akov and sent him away to Paddan-Aram to choose a wife from there, and that as he blessed him he charged him, ‘You are not to choose a Kena’ani woman as your wife.’”
Genesis 28:6
When I was in high school I began to have feelings for a girl. I knew she wasn’t right for me, but I threw aside all the warnings and ventured out in a relationship with her anyway. In many ways, I see how I did it all in spite. Coming from a family where my parents pushed us to live right and obey Adonai’s word, I quite honestly got tired of being good. I was the one that people looked at as being too good, too spiritual, and too white. So I began to rebel. I began to step out into things I knew my parents didn’t approve of, and this relationship was one of those things. I look back now and wish I could erase that part of my past, slap myself upside the head, and give myself a stern talking to, but I can’t. I can only take the lessons learned and by Adonai’s grace, not repeat them.
What causes us to act out in spite? Rules are set for our protection yet still we push through them. In the end they only prove to make us look foolish. But in that moment, when anger and independence take charge of our lives, we see the ability to take revenge and move on it. This anger is not a righteous or holy indignation, however, but rather it is us being given limits that we do not want. In the close of this week’s Torah portion of Genesis 28:5-9, we see an illustration of this fact.
Esav has had one pulled over on him again by Ya’akov posing to be him and receiving his father’s blessing for the first born child. Now with a vow to get revenge on his brother, Rivkah shares with Yitz’chak that she wants her son to find a wife from her brother’s clan as she is tired of the Hitti women in the land they are now living. They were not worshipping the same God that Adonai had commanded. Yitz’chak and Rivkah push Ya’akov out of the home with the command to head for the home of Rivkah’s brother, Lavan (Laban). But Esav, who also knew of this command and of this conversation, went out in spite and married from the tribe of Yishma’el, his uncle. Adonai had already pushed these people away because they were not part of the promise, but Esav in spite welcomed them back in through marriage to Machalat (Mahalath). In spite, in his way of revenge toward his parents, he did the exact opposite of what he knew was right under Adonai’s standards.
So how different are we from Esav? I would venture to say not very different. Like Esav we grow weary of second fiddle. We get tired of seeing the rug pulled out from under us because of deceit and trickery. But let us not forget two things. One, Adonai takes vows seriously. Although done in trickery, a vow was made between Ya’akov and Esav that exchanged the birthright for soup. While Esav may have agreed to this, thinking it was a joke, or because he was just so famished, Adonai saw it etched in stone. But secondly, we cannot expect to walk under Adonai’s blessing if we fail to do His will. The actions that Esav took done in spite only proved to hurt him. Yes, his parents were probably upset that he continued to take wives that were not part of Adonai’s plan, but I question if they were not more upset that he did this in hopes of getting even with them.
Going back to my high school days, while I was acting out and trying to make my parents look the part of the fool, it was I who was foolish. It was I who made the mistake, acted in spite, and have had to answer to for my actions. I may have caused a bit of frustration for my parents in my choice, but I have had to live with the regret of my actions. Done is spite, done in the heat of the moment, done in an attempt of revenge, the only person I managed to hurt was myself. This story of Esav and Ya’akov is in the Torah as part of the history of the nation that would come, but let us not read it simply as history. We all have the ability to become like Esav and act out in spite. But we all should refrain, for our spiteful actions will only hurt us.
Genesis 28:5-9
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