GUARD YOURSELF

“When you are in camp, at war with your enemies, you are to guard yourself against anything bad.”
Deuteronomy 23:10

I can't remember where I heard this, but it might have been in a song one time. The thought has always stayed with me, even though sometimes I wish it would leave me alone. What consumes your thoughts controls your life. Think about that with me for a minute if you will. What we give so much thought to is who we will become. For instance, my background is splattered with thoughts of pornography. There was a time when I meditated so much on the pictures and acts and fantasies that I could not look at a woman without thinking about acting on what filled my mind. To see a woman was to see a way that I could be satisfied. I lived consumed with greed, selfishness, and pride. I lived a lie and became a good actor, but Adonai knew the truth.
In 2000, when my wife walked out on me for the constant mistreatment, lies, and addictive behaviors, I was forced to see and to re-evaluate my life. I had lost my job, my wife, and just weeks before walked through our first miscarriage. Life was ugly, and I hated myself. But why? Easy to answer. My thoughts were not Adonai's thoughts. My actions were not His actions. And my behavior did nothing to bring others to His light. In all honesty, I wanted Him to kill me because of the shame and hopelessness I felt.
When I tell people about this part of my life, I tell them I was looking at three main decisions. One was death, either by my doing or Adonai's. A second was to go on without changing, just continuing to live the life I was, with or without my wife. And the third was to begin to call out to Adonai for help like never before. I chose the third. I began to seek counseling and to get real help. I began to get honest with myself about myself. But the biggest change was that I began to give these thoughts to Him. It didn't happen overnight, and I'd be wrong if I said that I didn't have my share of stumbles while getting help. But as I started the course of renewing my life with Adonai and believing His thoughts about me, my thoughts about my actions began to change. I found myself beginning to guard myself like commanded in Deuteronomy 23:10.
The Bible says we are to take captive our thoughts. Why? Because let's face it, whether you have been in my shoes and dealt with pornography, or self image, or fear and worry, or what have you, we get so wrapped up and consumed in it that we cannot see beyond this mirrored reflection of ourselves. It always stays in the 'me'. How will this affect me? Our consumption needs to be on Him. What you think about the most will become your idol. That is why we are to take captive our thoughts. There should be no other god before our Adonai.
I challenge you to question who your god is. Is it Adonai, or something else? What or who consumes your thoughts?

Deuteronomy 23:8-24